Feb

21

Why I am a Postcerealist

February 21, 2008 |

Posted by bcwb · Filed Under Christian Philosophy, Emerging Church, Postmodernism, General Discussion, Random thoughts, Uncategorized 

I am a postcerealist. I used to be cerealist, but after much reflection I have decided to become a postcerealist.

The home I group up in was your typical American cerealist home. We ate the same cereal all our forefathers ate because that is what American’s do. Raisin bran and corn flakes, raisin brand and corn flakes.

Occasionally we would be risky and have oatmeal (never the flavored kind, only liberals did that).

Someone once mentioned eating pancakes and sausage!!! My father about fell out of his chair! “Pancakes will never be eaten in this home. Nowhere in the bible does it say that Jesus at pancakes. And if the bible doesn’t explicitly say it happened, then it didn’t happen.” I told my dad that the bible never mentions Jesus using the restroom either. I ended up being grounded for two weeks.

I went off to college in the fall of ’92. After a night of “celebration” someone slid me a bowl of Post brand Honeycombs. WOW…. I had no idea such a thing existed. I became good friends with this person, and over time they introduced me to more exciting adventures like Fruity Pebbles.

I was torn. Part of me knew that Raisin Bran and Flakes were good and legitimate but this new world of Pebbles and Honey Bunches of Oats was too convincing and too powerful.

Then the night that changed my worldview forever. It was 2000 my friend had become my fiancé and we went to hear a presentation on Postcerealism. They had something there I had never seen, nor heard of; they called it Grape Nuts?

The crunchy sensation gave me a feeling of wholeness, of being one with nature. Despite the negative side effects like clogging up my teeth and using the restroom 3-4 times a day, I knew that there was no turning back. I was a full blown Postcerealist.

All was well until 2005. Now my wife, she slid be a bowl of Raisin Bran. Chills ran down my spine and sweat started to bead up on my forehead. Visions of conforming to classical Americanism came to my mind. She tried to console me and let me know that it really was Postcereal but I wouldn’t believe it! I was confused was this REALLY Postcereal. For weeks on end I would ponder “what is truth” “how do I know what I am really eating is Postcereal.”

The questions kept coming “How do I know that is milk I am drinking?” “How do I know the nutritional data is correct?” “How do I know that Postcereal Raisin Bran is any different than classical Raisn Bran?” “How do I know my constant trips to the restroom after eating Grape Nuts isn’t actually punishment from God?”

The more I thought, the deeper I sunk into depression. At least I think I am depressed, I not really sure I am depressed; after all what is depressed?

Regardless, I am staying a full blown Postcerealist! I will never turn back to vintage Cerealism.

Join our new worldview and grab a bowl of Cocoa Pebbles and pour in the secretion from a cow. NO MORE PLAIN FLAKES!!!!

**All references to Post Cereal are used without any permission from Kraft Foods.


Comments

3 Comments so far

  1. Steve Moore on February 21, 2008 11:27 am

    Still primarly a recreational cerealist I see…

    Well, just wait. You’ll get there one day. Be very wary of the really “hard” stuff (literally, and symbollically), and anything that the guy selling it says has extra marshmallows or a prize included.

    -steve

  2. joanied on February 22, 2008 7:09 am

    Very funny! I enjoyed your post. You must have been spending time reading Michael’s “emerging” posts on the Parchment blog, no?

    Joanie D.

  3. bcwb on February 22, 2008 10:19 am

    Good morning JoanieD:

    Actually no, I haven’t been keeping up with his emerging posts on P&P.
    I am in the Intro to Theology course and last week was Modernism/Postmodernism. During the Tuesday night class I jokingly typed “I like Post-cereal.” That got the wheels turning in my head and the next thing you know…………Postcerealism is born!

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